Finding Myself

findingmyselfabigailbucks1

I have always whispered to my heart

Don’t give parts of yourself away

To a lover.

Because you risk then,

Losing yourself.

When you love someone,

Parts of yourself get intertwined with them.

Where is the start of them,

& the start of me?

Because if they leave,

Then who am I?

For those pieces of me,

I thought would never be returned,

& I have pieces of them

I don’t know what to do with.

I thought that

Parts of myself

Would be indefinitely tied to him.

That even moving on from,

Letting go of,

Him

Would mean there are parts of me

I’d never retrieve.

That there would only be empty spaces,

Black holes,

Only lingering memories,

& haunting love,

The once was.

But in moving on,

All these parts

Have come back to me.

Put back in place

Better than before.

Glaring lights,

Crystalline colors,

Bursts of everything

I ever was,

Fit together

With who I am.

I am more myself

Than I ever have been.

 

– AB

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